A Client Horror Story
That time when you outshine your boss with your bubbly personality…
Watch the full episode →Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of Client Horror Stories. I’m excited and honored to have with me Giovanna Silvestre. Did I, did I pronounce your name correctly?
Yes. Well, Giovanna. Silvestre.
Okay. I was close. Excited to have Giovanna Silvestre today with some exciting stories. Giovanna, let’s jump into your first story. I have my non-alcoholic drinking hand ready to go.
This happened years ago when I was working in Hollywood, which you could imagine, there’s always wild things going on there, and I was 25 years old and I just started my job as the assistant to a big-time director on a big-time movie at a big-time studio. So this is like $200 million project with a lot of celebrities, a lot of it. Yeah. So I came on as the second assistant to the director, and the first assistant was the one that I reported to, so understand this that the assistant was my boss at that time. And I’m not gonna use names. I’m not gonna say what project? Yeah, I’m gonna keep it all discreet. I really thought, okay, well, you know the director, so I’m gonna do what the director wants, not this other assistant, you know. And so I think I stepped on some toes with him because when I met the director, I went directly to him and like shook his hand and said, I’m so happy to work with you. And I just wasn’t scared, that’s just not my personality. Like, I was just very friendly and talkative with everyone. So this assistant didn’t like that so much. Morgan Friedman: Before you tell us about the assistant not liking it, let’s unpack it because I think there are a few interesting insights that are packed in there that might be useful for our audience to think about. The first point you’re implying is the importance of clarifying the hierarchical structure. And because in traditional jobs, okay I get a job as junior software developer where I have a boss I report to who’s the director, then the vpn, there’s like this big hierarchy and it’s like super clear. But there are lots of jobs, like all of Hollywood and also more and more as more of the world moves like freelance independent, where you just have like different people telling you different things, and it can be really unclear and especially like with the name conventions that you mentioned, there’s like director, assistant director one, assistant two. Is that just like two different ones or is it one on top of two? I don’t even know.
Yeah. Honestly, it was confusing for me as well. I didn’t understand that the assistant was my boss. I understood that we got tasks. Sometimes the director would even give me tasks, you know, but he was the first assistant, so he was the main one getting the task. And then he would give some to me, but I didn’t think that he was my boss. And technically I wasn’t employed by him, I’m employed by this big studio, so that part was already confusing. I know he was above me, but I didn’t know he was in control of me.
So, this is a really good point to dive into for a moment because there are all these situations, especially with freelancers where it’s unclear who’s the boss and people give you conflicting orders and so on, and especially when you’re young and less experienced and less confident, it’s not clear how to deal with it. The strategy I follow, which works for me, but might not work for anyone else. So, like personality, to be aware, different people have different personalities. I kind of like forcing the question early on, wait a minute, you told me this but he told me this. Let me know the protocol to know whom I follow and like force people to address the protocols because often the teams themselves have never really addressed those issues before. And there’s this battle for control that you’re just put right in the middle of.
Yeah. It was kind of crazy like that. And it’s funny cause after this whole situation, I actually bought the book, ‘The 48 Laws of Power’, and I think the first or second. Oh, the first Robert Queen. The first chapter says, ‘Never outshine the master’. And, I was like, damn, I should have bought this book before I got that job.
By the way, the next one I was going to make was Robert Green’s observation ‘Never outshine the Master’. So I’m so happy, great minds to go like, and it’s also providential, it’s like incredible that you read that book, which really reinforce that message.
Yeah. And then even if it says in that chapter, if you cannot help but outshine your master, then you need to not have a master. And that’s what I eventually ended up learning but anyways.
And also final comment, then we’ll get back to the actual story. Uhh, see why these episodes go on and on, because we can unwind every little thing. Yeah. The final thing I wanna mention is a subtle point to Robert Green’s advice who would never outshine the master is this: First you have to know who the master is. Yes, and the whole complexity of this situation is you didn’t, you didn’t realize that, that for you, the master wasn’t the big director, but it was the assistant right above you.
Yeah. It’s like, know the master. And I was like, I don’t know who my master is.
You’re one of those people who outshine everyone. I know you’re a type.
Okay. I have this little light of mine and I’m gonna let it shine. Okay.
I love it. Okay, so you didn’t realize that Assistant one was the boss of assistant two. So, what and how did Assistant One start doing?
So it basically started out that, you know, I was friendly with everyone.I was getting along with everyone on set whether it was the producers, whether it was the actors, and I was just really friendly with everyone and that annoyed him. He didn’t like that and then he started giving me tasks that were really kind of lame. I started to notice that because he didn’t like me, he didn’t want me around that much. Mm-hmm. I think he was scared that I could take his job or, you know, whatever, and I wasn’t trying to take his job. I was just trying to be me and do the best I could, you know? Right. I was 25 years old and just wanting to be helpful. And so then, I saw that he wanted to. He gave me tasks like go get his car wash, go get the director’s car wash. Oh, his birthday’s coming up, so go help his wife plan his birthday. And I thought, okay, you’re giving me all this kind of silly jobs. Well, I’m gonna be amazing at all of them. And so I went to his director’s wife and I actually planned his birthday and then we became super close. We became really good friends, like we would go biking and boozing on the beach together.
And, by the way, as a parenthetical, I know it’s gonna happen, but I do wanna observe, that it seems like assistant number one’s plan is backfiring.
Backfiring like major backfire. So, I became so close with the director’s wife that she would, like in the middle of the day, call the first assistant and be like, I need Giovanna to come to the house and get things done. And Annie’s like, okay, Giovanna, you need to go to the house. And then I’d go to their house and she would be like, I just wanted you to meet our friend who’s staying with us.
That’s hysteric.
She’s like, I need Giovanna, we have things to do, you know? And then I get there and then she would be like, I just wanted you to meet our friend. He wants to meet you too. And then that friend was visiting from the UK, like four years older than me. He was 29. And so we hung out. Then I started dating their friend, a 29-year-old. So I started dating him and that weekend we went on a bike ride. And then I got back to work on Monday, and the first assistant said, oh, I heard you met their friend and you went on a date with him. And I was like, oh, how would you hear that? And he is like, it doesn’t matter, I heard that. And I’m like, okay. And he goes, well, do you like him? Did you kiss him?
Ooh, boundary crossed.
And I was so shocked like that. I thought, wow, that’s an inappropriate question. And I’m like, what does that have to do with anything? Because this guy is a friend of theirs. He’s not working on this project. So, that made me feel really uncomfortable. Did you kiss him? I was like, pack up dude. But I responded so innocently. I was like, yeah. And he was like all angry. I was like, oh my God. I, and then I kind of realized, wow, this guy, he thought I was gonna be the cute young girl that was going to kiss his ass and have a crush on him and maybe have a thing with him. Like, I was gonna be like, you know, oh, you’re so amazing. You’re the first assistant.
And, by the way, I’ll add what’s also inappropriate about that question is it’s not just, are you dating because, are you dating implies kissing. If you’re not kissing, you’re not dating. Yeah. Um, but it’s like it’s not, are you dating? It’s like using this specific physical imagery of you two together and just even like this one. Yeah, like even having the imagery or talking openly about imagining people that you work with, you know having sex et cetera with people is so far out of scope of any sort of professional context.
I know and knowing what I know now, I would have gone to somebody and I would’ve said something ’cause I would’ve been like, this feels weird to me. And it got weirder.
But this is a parenthetical lesson for everyone listening, really important life lesson. You don’t need to say everything you’re thinking. And also even if you’re wondering it and you’re thinking it, it’s useful to sometimes think these things and not say it out loud.
Yeah, we’ll go into that in a minute. But, so another kind of crazy thing happened.
Wait, wait, hold on. Before I interrupted you were about to say how you responded.
Oh, I just responded so innocently. ’cause it shocked me that he asked me that. And the way he asked me, did you kiss him? And I was like. Yeah. You know, I was just like, ‘Did I do something wrong?’ You know? ’cause the way he asked the question was so strong.. And then he kind of shook his head and walked away. And I was thinking, well obviously, the director and his wife don’t have an issue with it that this guy that I kissed and went on a bike ride with who’s 29, 4 years older than me as he does not work on this project. So what is your business? Number two, why is this even an issue? So I was like, okay, and I was always trying to get back into as good grace, like always trying to do a good job. So, like with his birthday, for instance, I wanna make the director a small tiramisu for his birthday because my family is known for their tiramisu because I come from an Italian family. They had a restaurant. And then she goes, oh my God, Giovanna, that’d be so amazing that it’ll be the birthday cake. And I was like, oh my God.
Shining the master.
Oh my. I know, right?. I feel crazy, I don’t even have the equipment here, ’cause you need one of those like crazy whipping machines to whip the cream. And I’m like, I don’t even have the freaking equipment here. So I call my mom up and I’m like, mom, we got a situation.
See, you at 25 calling up your mom.
Mom, we got a situation here and need Tiramisu birthday cake for a bunch of celebrities. And she’s like, okay, honey. So, she makes the birthday cake. And her and my dad, I actually write about this in my upcoming book. She and my dad drove to Santa Barbara and then we went to dinner and they gave me the tiramisu. I put it in my car and drive to LA because I’m in Los Angeles, my parents are up north in Santa Barbara, or not, they’re in San Luis Obispo. So Santa Barbara was the meeting Point Midway. Yeah, midway point. So I got the tiramisu and then the tiramisu was a huge hit at this party. Everybody was talking about it. People were coming up to me on set talking about how amazing it was. I mean, it was the favorite. I was definitely really loved at this point by everybody. And then another cool thing happened, so I’m driving the director to a meeting on the golf cart, and then I drop him off at the meeting. And then, um, I’m driving back to the office and then the president of the studio waved me down. And he came and president of the whole studio. Yeah. Not just the director. It’s like it’s getting president higher up in the hierarchy. Yeah. So, he got in the golf cart and he’s actually Italian from New York. So, we were talking about Italians and blah, blah. I told ’em my family owned this Italian restaurant three hours north. And he said, oh, I’m taking my family to a town close to there. Gimme the name of your parents’ restaurant and maybe we’ll go. So, I gave the information to his assistant. He ended up going and having lunch with my parents at my parents’ restaurant.
It’s amazing.
Exactly. I know. It was crazy. I’m like sitting there going, oh my God.
And you’re like, mom, please don’t embarrass me.
Oh, yeah. Right. Well, you know what I asked him what his favorite dish was, so I could make sure that they had it. If he went and he said, pasta, fa, joli, which is such a, uh, no restaurants have that. It’s a very old world. It’s kinda like the poor man’s dish. It’s like beans and pasta, and Italians love it. So, um, I called my mom and I was like, mom, you have to make that. And she’s like, oh, I’ll make it. She’s like, I’ll just have it at the restaurant. Um, because even if he doesn’t come, your dad will eat it. And my dad’s cousins were visiting from Italy, so they’re like yeah, they’ll eat it. It’s fine. So she made pasta, fa joli. And so we have pasta fa joli at my parents’ restaurant. So, I get back to the studio and the president comes up and talks to me and he is like, your family’s amazing. I had the most amazing meal. He loved my dad. He is like, how is your dad doing? You know, and wanted to talk about my dad. And I’m like, oh my God, this is so crazy. Now, I’m in good with the president. I’m in good with the director and his wife. Everybody on set loves me ’cause they love my tiramisu, except if my mom’s tiramisu. Oh, and except there’s one person who doesn’t. So, now this guy is getting really upset because he is like, oh my God, the president ate at her family’s restaurant. She’s dating the director’s friend, like he was just despising me. So, after that, he said we need to have a conversation. I was like, okay. So, he takes me into a room. We’re alone. And he goes, you know, I really don’t appreciate you flirting with everyone. And I was like, flirting with everyone? And he is like, you’re flirt. He goes on, it’s not a good, it’s not professional, and it’s not a good representation of the director if you’re flirting with everybody on set. And I said, I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m not flirting. I said, I am a bubbly personality person. I said, I treat women the same way I treat men. I’m not there going like Hey guys, look down my Wow. You know, I mean I was very like covered. I remember at the time I was wearing these like big flannel shirts which were in at the time. They were like the checkered flannel and buttoned up hair which covered me. And, you know, there was nothing. I wasn’t trying to date anybody there. I wasn’t having a relationship with anybody there. And so, he accused me of flirting and being, um, not professional. And I was devastated. I was shocked. I was mortified. I was embarrassed. Yeah, it was horrible because I was questioning myself. I’m like, am I flirting with everyone? I’m just a bubbly personality. I’m just nice to everyone. I mean, obviously, the director’s wife would not love me so much if she thought I was a little bag on, you know, on set. And so, um, yeah, and he said some other things that, you know, it was a long time ago, but it was just made me very uncomfortable. So. I left there going like, feeling scared and I kind of knew something was coming down the pipeline. Well, eventually, I don’t know how long it was after that, maybe a couple days, he told a bunch of lies about me and said I messed up on this and I wasn’t doing this. I think he just made up like all of these lies and he went and talked to everybody and said, I wanna get rid of her. I wanna fire her. And they were all kind of shocked and like, why? She’s wonderful. You know, everybody likes her. What’s wrong with her? And he is like, no, she doesn’t wanna do anything. She doesn’t do anything. And, at that point, he had stopped giving me tasks to do. Because he didn’t want me to do anything good. He didn’t want me to do something and then do it really well and outshine him because all the stupid things he gave me to do, I was outshining him.
I wanna make an interesting footnote on that which is this guy as much of an asshole as he is, I will say it’s one of my favorite methods of firing people. You just give them less and less to do because what? Because firing people is an emotional side. The emotional side aside is just has a lot of legal issues like, you have to pay out seven signed papers, like risks of lawsuits and so on. But if you just keep giving people less and less to do, most people eventually get the message and then quit. So, it’s actually a surprisingly effective method to go about getting rid of someone.
Maybe he was waiting for me to quit. And then he saw I wasn’t gonna do it. I was just gonna sit there all day and not do anything, but I wasn’t gonna do it. And maybe that’s what he was trying to do. Well. And then I came into work.
And actually that’s another lesson for our viewers to point out is him spreading lies about you. This is surprisingly common and it sounds like this might’ve been your first experience, and like the dirty politics of the workplace where people don’t like you, they see you as a threat. So, so they make up lies about you. Yeah. And um, as you saw, and I think to combat this, this is one of the reasons why a strategy I’ve developed over the years is I go all out obsessive on documentation. And a way I tell it to my teams is I always tell my teams, if it’s not documented and shared, it didn’t happen. Like give me a request, I’ll like document it and shared a basic Google drive and this side of this doc in a very public way and it makes everything take a little bit longer ’cause you have to put in the energy to constantly do that. But it’s like literally makes lies impossible. He’ll say. She did this, she didn’t do this. No, no. There are these public messages that I sent to the right group, to the right chat, to the right point, the right document with every little thing, and it literally just eliminates this entire case of political risk.
You know, I think that that is such a good point and such a good tip for people, and I wish I would’ve done that. I wish I do because I had all the contacts I could have said, listen, this is what this guy is, these are the questions he’s asked me. This is what he did. I never got to give my side of it. I never got to tell, like I knew it wasn’t fair and the people there knew it wasn’t fair what he did to me, but I didn’t ever get to say, Hey, listen, he took me into a room and asked me these questions, and he, you know made these accusations about me and he lied about me. I never got to do that. I was 25 years old. This is also before ‘me too’. It was very much still the world of you pay your dues, you shut up, you put your head down and you pay your dues. And, I had been in the industry for a few years and I had actually female bosses. They were nuts but nuts in different ways. They loved me and they were very loyal, but it was just kind of like, okay, you put your head down and you just do the things and you don’t complain. And so, but now, especially in today’s world, people and employees and even in the entertainment industry have way more power. And so I wish I would’ve known that back then. I wish I would’ve documented these things. I wish I would’ve known that’s inappropriate for him to ask me, did I kiss him? I didn’t know.
So note that with my strategy, and I’m like, a little bit insane about documentation and insisting on documentation. And by the way, I insist all my employees and team members use a platform ‘Basecamp’ that makes it very easy to document, like you go to the bathroom, it’s documented, but as if you think I’m exaggerating. But as an interesting observation to dig in, one of the powerful things about having the default protocol of sharing and documenting everything is it means even if you don’t know something is bad, it will get exposed. So, for example, even if you didn’t know that it’s inappropriate and bad for him to ask, Did you kiss him? Imagine you just had the internal process to write up meeting notes after every single meeting and share them in the share drive with everyone you would write. Meeting notes, you know, and like I just say, Thursday, December 12th, in our meeting regarding my dating life, I clarified the kissing situation with my boyfriend. And so even if you didn’t know that was inappropriate and you thought that was okay to talk about. By documenting it and putting it on paper, okay digital paper screen and for everyone to see, guess what if the issue comes up again, you have it documented. You wanna document and share it in the shared Google folder and they shared a thing so everyone else can see at the time. And they’re the people who will tell you, I just saw the meeting notes, no way is he supposed to ask that. And then, they could have taken it.
Absolutely. I hundred percent recommend everyone to do that. Because I got fired in the end. Like I showed up one day and he was like, I need to talk to you. He goes like we don’t need you anymore. I’m letting you go and blah, blah, blah. And he is like, it was nice knowing you. Pat on the back. Bye. Get your stuff and goodbye. I was like, oh my gosh. You know? I was just like shocked and. I really wish I had that documentation so I could say, okay, and then I could send an email to everyone and say, these are the things that this guy said to me. So I just want everyone to know that he put me in quite a few uncomfortable situations. So, I highly recommend that because then at least I could have said my part because it also felt bad, like if these people actually thought that I was incompetent and showing up late and not doing the things that he told me to. That also made me feel so angry and like bad when I showed up every day on time. I was there before anybody was on set. Some days I get there at 5:00 AM ’cause I, we always had to be there before the director anyway.
I would observe, since you’re young, 25, it made sense that you were emotional and upset with some years of experience. Looking back on it, to me is it took me years for myself to realize everyone knows, Like everyone knows everything. And, and by that I mean like this guy, if he’s doing this to you, guess what? You’re not the first person he did this to/ Like people who are assholes like that they do like do that to everyone. So, the other people working with him have seen him do the same thing to six people before. So when they see him say bullshit lies about you, then everyone else is probably realizing, yeah, like he’s just putting on his power show by making things up again. So, it doesn’t necessarily reflect as badly on you as you would think.
Yeah, you know what? Thank you for that. That is very true. And a couple things about this that are very interesting, So, after I got fired, I was devastated and I was getting into my car and driving off the lot and I get a call from the director’s wife and she’s like, oh, honey, come over. And I was like, I got fired. And she’s like, I know. I heard. She’s like, but come over, I’m gonna take you out drinking. And so I literally went to the director’s house and his wife took me out drinking and got me drunk. And she even wrote my parents like a really sweet message and said, we love your daughter. She’s so amazing. I mean, it was so nice. And then they let me stay at their mansion with my boyfriend ’cause I was dating their friend. They let me stay at their mansion, right outside of London with my boyfriend for two weeks. That was really cool. Bless you. That was really cool. Um, very cool. And then, so that was a perk. It’s like, I don’t have to work. I’m in a mansion outside of London. And then I think it was a couple years later, or a year later, I think it was a year later, I was at a party and it was all entertainment people that worked in the entertainment industry, we would all go, you know, to parties together and stuff. And so I went to this party and I was talking about, oh yeah, I worked on this movie project. And they’re like, who’d you work with? I know a guy. So we were talking about the same guy, and I was like, yeah, that guy got me fired. He was such a jerk. And then I told them what the stuff he had said to me and they’re like, yeah, we don’t like that guy either. And I said, yeah, he said some really weird things to me and then they started laughing and I was like, what? And they’re like, oh, that time that you were working with him on that project and he was treating you like that, his wife was an assistant of a line producer on another project and was having an affair with someone on that project.
Ooh, interesting. So his wife was cheating on him in a job like yours?
Yes, like she was working. So they’re married. Plot twist, plot twist at the end of the story. Oh my gosh. Right. She’s working on another movie project. She’s sleeping. His wife’s actually the one sleeping with someone at work. I’m over here not doing anything with anybody at work. And he’s accusing me. It was like he was projecting all the things about his wife onto me. And maybe he also knew she was cheating, so maybe he wanted someone to cheat with and he was thinking that I would be the one.
An interesting plot twist at the end of the movie. So, we can each take a moment to promote ouur own books. But I actually wrote a book, the Scorpion the Frog, and Exercise and Empathy and the point of the book, or what? One of the point books. The first level of Unwrapping the Onion is about when people act like an asshole to you, you never really know what’s happening in their lives. Like you never really know the backstory. And this is such a good example though, ’cause like this whole episode, I’m like saying, bad guy, bad guy. And even though he was acting totally inappropriate and he still did bad things, it’s like knowing this just changes the interpretation. Okay. Wow. He was going through a terrible moment. Dude, if my wife was cheating on me in a particular sort of context, every time that context came up, I would be like flipping out at everyone. And as much as he’s still a total asshole, it’s at least now he’s like an understandable asshole.
Yeah. No, definitely. It did totally provide context and it was nice because I get it. He was really insecure, not just work wise, but he was insecure as relationship wise with his wife. I mean, it wasn’t his girlfriend. It was his wife.
Wife. Yeah. Higher stakes. There’s an old French saying that I like. I don’t know any English parallel or equivalent, which is like to understand everything is to forgive everything, and I think it’s a very powerfu saying. When you really understand what’s happening, it makes it much easier to forgive, look past and the reason why we forgive isn’t for the other person. He’s still an asshole, acted like an asshole. It’s like for ourselves. So, we don’t carry that burden, that weight on our shoulders for the rest of our lives, and we can move on ahead.
Exactly. It’s so funny ’cause you know, talking about it and thinking about myself at 25, which is young, when you’re 25, you don’t think you’re young, but you’re. You are kind of like a very young adult. You just left college. It’s kind of just trying to figure things out and then to have worked so hard, get on a huge project, be so excited, be over the moon doing your best. I mean, I had my parents driving to gimme a tiramisu. I was trying everything I could. That’s hysterical.You know? I know. To be amazing, you have that experience. So, as I was talking through it, I got angry again and you know, I was like, oh, I wish now I could see that guy and just slap him across the face. You know, it made me angry for little me at 25 and him kind of harassing me a bit and a little bullying. It made me very angry and then sabotaging me. But again, you’re so right. I have to have forgiveness. And actually, I’m very grateful for this experience. It’s really cool ‘cause I write about it in my book too, and. I think you need to have these experiences in life that push you toward your own path. Because I was never supposed to be working for people anyway, you know? But it was a, it was a good experience. It was a really good experience.
Yeah. I think one of the key points of what they used to call received wisdom, which is like, the sage advice of our elders, which is being lost in most contexts today, perhaps except for religion, is that bad things that happen to us actually happen for a reason. And it’s actually good for you, but it’s good for you for reasons that are just beyond your comprehension. Okay? Um, yeah, this bad thing is happening to you, but there’s no way for you to know, but because of that five years in the future, it’s going to lead to this other thing that is like really amazing and you can’t know that at the time.
Yeah, you do. And the lessons I learned, had that not happened, I wouldn’t have gotten those lessons Like I got a lot of lessons there. You know even in situations where I go like I don’t know anything, I know that I have a big kind of presence about me. So, just beware and I’m not saying dim yourself down, but let other people shine too. You don’t need to outshine, you know what I mean? Like let other people be, hold back just a little bit. That’s a very good lesson as well. I’m not saying dim the light, don’t shine as bright, but I’m just saying like, let there be air in the room for everyone. You don’t have to take up all the air.
Yes, and I think for people with, I love your euphemism, big personality for people with big personalities. It’s a hard lesson, but an important one to not use up all the oxygen in the room. So, I recently read a statistic what I like in the book. I was reading about management, which is literally two days ago.It quoted some academic study that showed that the most successful project managers compliment each member of their team, like each person they’re managing nine times for every one time. They criticize them to let them just stood out. We could do a whole episode just analyzing that. Yeah. But one of the ways in which this stat stands out relates to using up all the oxygen. You are using up all the light in the room. That as a manager, by letting the people under you, not just shine, but shine. Nine times for every one time where you’re going to need to like punch them back in the line and into place is powerful, effective, and for people who like shining themselves, letting each of the other ones shine nine times as much for everything negative is freaking hard to control yourself and to do yourself.
Yeah. No, it really is hard, but I have like learned that lesson and I really love it when other people are like shining around me. You know, they’re being themselves, they are, you know, like I work with a lot of photographers and there’s this one young girl who does photo shoots with me and she has a very timid personality and I have like a very big personality. So, and she’s younger than me, so being with me, she’s like talking to more people. And she even said, because if I’m like, oh, I don’t know where I’m going. I’ll just be like, Hey, excuse me, where is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I don’t even think about it. I just ask the question. I talk to people and she said to me : Oh my gosh. After hanging out with you, I know now that I can just ask people things, like if I need something I can ask, and so, and I saw her like, starting to come out of her shell and like shine around me and I’m like, oh my God, you’re shining. So exciting.
Yeah. That is, that is exactly a spread. And what I’’ll add to this to make it even more interesting is if you’re the only one shining, then there’s only so far you can grow. But if you wanna do big complex things you like, imagine building a company where you have hundreds of employees. You can’t be the person doing, managing everything you need to let this group shine, that group, shine this, this individual, you need to like spread, spread the light everywhere.
Exactly. Exactly. And that’s, that’s how you grow past just yourself. So, I’m definitely not about dimming anyone’s light. I’m like, let us all shine bright, like beautiful little stars in the sky. Diamonds.
I love it. And we’re, we’re at about the 45 minute mark, so this is a great way to end the episode. Before we sign off, do you wanna tell everyone for a minute about your book?
Oh, yes. Som talking about Shining, I wrote this book. I wrote this book, ‘Confused Girl, find your peace in the chaos’. Because I want all of the confused girls out there in the world to shine bright like little diamonds. The main premise of the book is how to look at your confusion as a virtue. That’s the main premise of the book. And how to use confusion to find your true nature and live the life that you were meant to live. Like live your destiny. Yeah. It has been a passion of mine for like a decade, and finally it’s being published with a big publisher and it’s all very exciting. And you can pre-order it now on my website, confused girl on the city.com, and you can also follow me at Confused Girl LA on Instagram.
I’m not a confused girl. I think I’m neither confused nor a girl, but you never know these days. But your summary of it makes me want to read it ’cause I like how you’re approaching it to turn confusion from what people think as a problem into something good. And that feels very powerful. Even just thinking about it for a second, I’m like. Look, how could it be a good thing? Oh, if you’re confused, that means you haven’t yet figured out what path to go down, which means all the paths are open to you.
Exactly. Literally, your confusion is an infinite realm of possibilities that you have yet cover. I love it. It’s, it’s so funny ’cause when we’re confused, we shame ourselves and we’re upset because we are like, I don’t know what’s going on, or I don’t know who I am, or I’m confused about this breakup. I’m confused about what university to go to. I’m confused about how I’m gonna, what kind of mother I’m gonna be, or whatever it is. I mean, it could be anything at any point in your life. And so I’m trying to teach people how to actually use your confusion to align with who you are and explore the infinite possibilities you have, and then choose the path that you were meant to be on, the path that your soul wants to be on.
I love it. Yeah. Thank you. Okay. And this is a great way to end, end the episode. This was a very fun conversation and thank you for your time and everyone who’s watched it to the very end. I hope you’ve enjoyed it as much as we had. Have a good night everyone.
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